Have you ever wondered when you went through the looking glass


Have you ever stopped, stepped back, and looked at your life then wondered how you got to where you were, to who you were? I had that moment earlier this week and it stopped me in my tracks.
I know I actively participated my creating who I am and the life I am currently living, yet it’s all so different from where I thought I would be and where I, think, I want to go.
I recently changed directions, educationally and professionally speaking, and as a result am going to school to be a shrink. I’m also looking to make health changes in an attempt to get some measure of control and relief from my chronic diseases (migraines, headaches, and fibromyalgia) this means a new diet and establishing a healthy work out routine. As to shaping who I want to be, I am exploring my relationship with God and religion.
For many who know me this last step might sound out of character, and perhaps even slightly alarming. Rest assured I am not going to start preaching, nor am I giving up my belief in science, or evolution. I am merely working to achieve a greater understanding of myself, God, and well, love.
Sometimes when you look around and feel you are in a rut you need to do something extreme to get yourself unstuck, and between going back to school and starting to go to church that is what I am doing.
Basically this is my version of “Eat, Pray, Love”. I am changing my eating habits, and incorporating some good exercise. I am starting to read various religious texts, am exploring the width, breadth, and depth of my faith. I am also exploring ways to be a better parent to my daughter, and wife to my husband, I am trying to show them more love and support. So I hope all of my friends will be patient with me as I work to explore who I am and how to be who I feel I should be. I also hope that they will all still be my friends when I have become who I will be.

A Fall of Self Exploration


If you were to take a look at my nightstand you’d never know that I’m wading into a period of self exploration. But if you were to peak into my electronic readers well they would tell a decidedly different story. I currently have 4 ways to read ebooks and am reading, what I consider to be, the best self help books possible. I’m reading The Art of War, Tao Te Ching, Bhagavad Gita, and The Holy Bible ESV.
Here is the controversial part, I feel that three of these books help me to talk to MY God, and three of these books help me to relate to the world around me. I say they help me talk to MY God because I respect the fact that we may not have the same perception of God or the same God. But since I’m sure we sin differently and that’s okay, having different Gods is okay too, at least in my world.
If I were to add a fifth book I would add The 5 Love Languages, I would add this because I have found it to be exceedingly helpful when attempting to communicate productively with my husband and child. But since I’m in school I’m going to have to go with Decoding The Ethic Code as my fifth book, although it isn’t quite as interesting in my opinion.
Why am I embarking on a fall of self exploration you ask? And why do I think anyone cares? Well as far as the world caring that may come from deeply buried illusions of grandeur and well we’re just gonna leave that alone and assume that since you are reading this you do care or are at least nosey and curious enough to keep reading.
I’m embarking on this fall of self exploration because I have been struggling to be healthy and happy and with all the set backs and ups and downs of life have lost sight of go I am, who I want to be, and who I want the world to see.
I don’t feel those three are the same nor do they need to be. Although I think to find happiness there needs to be some common ground among them. And this is what I’m trying to find this fall. Not really why I chose fall since, well Roll Tide, but since I did here we go!
I started recently on my trek to fix my jaw (I have TMJ) and hopefully by mid-September will be done with that. But I am also struggling with an over-zealous period and am restarting the journey to solve that problem, thankfully I have a GREAT primary care doctor who is helping me to manage my fibromyalgia and a wonderful hematologist who patiently answers any and all of my questions about my dysfibrinogenemia. I honestly am hoping that once my TMJ has be fixed and my bilaterally dislocated jaw is repaired I won’t need to see my neurologist as often and that by this winter I will be securely on the road to physical health, so I want to take this fall and ensure I will also be on the road to mental and emotional health as well.
Well that’s enough medicated rambling from me for the time being. And just for haha’s here is a pic of me about 12hours post diagnostic scope! Smoochies!!